Californian Dirty Water Hot Dog

I miss seeing the Sabretts guy on every corner..I mean what do you get when you are hungry and cold and just need quick bite of something yummy to get you across the street?Well I have meet the local equivalent!....Roasted corn on a stick, served the authentic Mexican way.Slathered with mayonnaise, coated with crumbly cheese and then dusted with chili powder.It got me through my errands all right.

The Grass on my Side of the Fence is Actually Greener, But I still Want Whats on the Other Side....

I live in a edibly challenged community.There is not a lot of variety when it comes to food. Having grown up in a place with cheese shops, corner bakers and butchers who know exactly how much meat to cut for your size of family, it is frustrating to live in a town that doesn't even have a fish market.Only 10 miles from the ocean, my seafood choices are limited to the Styrofoam and plastic contained fish from foreign oceans available at the mega chain grocery store. Surrounded by miles of fields of growing food that will be consumed in places like New York City,the mango in my kitchen is from Mexico. The irony is that our local food is on menus of high end restaurants all over. In fact, the RH in West Hollywood, the epitome of ultra hipster sexy chic, describes there food as having LOMPOC ingredients, like that makes it better!Do you see the frustration!We only like food that comes from somewhere else!
Isn't there some grocery mega chain store CEO some where who may put it together that it might actually be more expensive and of less quality to truck produce across the country?I can imagine the truckers waving at each other as they pass each other on America's freeways...CARRYING THE VERY SAME TOMATOES TO OPPOSITE COASTS! to be contined with Thank God for Full of Life Flatbread, and the Lompoc Wine Ghetto!Join me as I discover the edible and drinkable wonders at my doorstep...

Full of Life Flatbread Secrets

Flatbread not really about the "pizza" , its not really just a place to go on Saturday night,its not really just about being "healthy" .It is a divine food experience , and can be as amazing as a trip to The French Laundry or Butter or wherever foodies around the world save up hundreds of dollars more to blow on one meal. You just need to know what to order.


Flat bread has a real bonafide Chef trained by the great Alice Waters. Brian Collins is from Chez Painise, "the restaurant that changed the way America Eats ." You see, Europeans have always cooked what is there. Gathered fresh from the yard, neighbors, woods, or ocean, the meal is determined by the ingredients. Most American restaurants start with the menu and work backwards.Brian, however, hunts and gathers the best of the land and sea, which of course changes week to week, and makes the menu with what is there.And, because he is a chef's chef, he invents new combinations of textures and flavors and prepares the dishes flawlessly in a way you would never have thought of . For example, last time I was there, I was excited to see Morro Bay oysters on the menu, something I never turn down. But wait, they are served with lamb sausage?For Real?I hesitated, wondering if I was risking being punked by Ashton Kutcher, but then when I realized its the only way I was going to get to have oysters ,I risked the potential humiliation.

Who would ever imagined the genius of the dish...It was fine art.The lamb was strong and gamy, seasoned heartily , the oysters delicate and smooth , tasting like an wave from a clean ocean.It was the whole universe on one plate.Taste and texture wise it was the epitome of that whole Yong/Yang thing.(I don't really know what that is exactly, but I think you get my point.)


This is adventure eating at its finest.You must be willing, no excited to try something new and you will not be disappointed.

The secret?ALWAYS ORDER THE SPECIALS.The peperoni flat bread is delicious, but you are missing out on such an amazing food experience if you stick with the familiar.They serve 2 special flatbreads per night, highlighting the fabulous local ingredients gathered from neighboring farms and ranches.ORDER THIS,no matter how unfamiliar it may sound ....if you ask nicely , they will be happy to do a 1/2 and 1/2 so you can try both specials in the same pie..(I told you there would be secret.)


Don't forget dessert...

The Hitching Post in Buellton, but only on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednessday

Everybody has enjoyed, or at least wants to, eating at the Hitching Post restaurant in Buellton,CA. this is the place made famous in that neighborhood ruining movie, Sideways.There is no better place around for perfect , oak grilled steaks and a huge grilled artichoke, completed with there own "magic dust" spices and in house wine.They put crudites on the table like the "fancy " restaurants did when you were a kid and serve your food on what looks like your grandmothers china.
But their masterpiece is something not on the regular menu.You have to sit in the bar area only, and only on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday evening.For a mere 12$, you can experience the most glorious symphony of flavors in your mouth if you order the Oak Grilled Burger.
You see ,the Hitching post is the flagship establishment for Central Coast Beef.They age and serve Fillet Mignon , Porterhouses , Ribyeyes etc.They are well stocked with steak for the weekend crowds and then on Monday, the chef will throw whatever is leftover in a meat grinder for these burgers.So what you get is not your basic 80/20 chub, but ground up morsels of Fillets, T-bones and other 30$ an ounce cuts.

The meat is by far the highest quality you will ever have in the form of a "burger," but, truly, its all about the bun.A grown up version of a Goldfish cracker, (think cheesy , buttery goodness,) the buns are homemade for the burgers only.They are soft and yeasty and loaded with Cheddar cheese.The combo of oak grilled steak burger and cheesy bun is a carnivore's delight. If you dare, you can get it with bacon and avocado , but that may be going to far for me.There are some things just too perfect.

BROPHY BROTHERS The copy might be better than the original?

Could the new Brophy Brothers at Ventura Harbor possibly be as good as the original Santa Barbara institution?Not likely.I mean, few things in this life are as glorious as smelling the sea air dockside while enjoying hot creamy clam chowder and a cold beer.There is always a wait, but so what,you are at the Santa Barbara harbor,right?While you wait for your table,take a look at those starfish for Pete's sake! Inside you hear clanging pots, clinking glasses,hissing steam and my favorite sound in the world...steamed shellfish being dumped in a bowl.Not to mention that the staff are all incredibly good looking.Seriously !In 18 years of frequenting this establishment, I have yet to be served by a member of their staff with so much as a zit or wrinkle, male or female.The crowd, is usually a great bunch of people, and that is a good thing because you literally will be squished next to strangers as closely as you would be riding the bus in a 3rd world county. These kind folks are smiling ear to ear and saying things to each other like"I can't believe we live here."The atmosphere at Brophys is strangely exciting , like something happens to you as you climb up the stairs making you instantly much cooler than you were before......
Sometimes at night I am haunted by dreams of Garlic baked clams.They call to me across the mountains. All the fish is great and fresh (although not necessarily local.) Any burger or sandwich on the menu comes with their homade Thousand Island dressing.... I like to smuggle a bit home to pimp up regular boring turkey sandwich's for work days later.Oyster shooters are our standard way to start a great meal at Brophys (Much better without adding vodka to pickle the flavor.)Finally, the crown jewel, that tastes exactly like you imagine it will at Brophy Brothers is the Cioppino.Dip the hot sourdough bread in that Italian tomatoey goodness and you are in heaven.

So whats wrong with Brophy's at the SB location?NOTHING and that is the problem!You see, unfortunately, I am not the only one who loves this place and traipses their out of town guests here.....EVERYONE comes here.Management has sought to accommodate the growing public craving without skimping on quality and has added a downstairs "faster" clam bar and a streamlined seating system , complete with a light up vibrating thingy to let you know when your table is ready. This is nice and I'm glad for their success, but it reminds me of the Rainforest Cafe!The tourists have taken over.
So they have made a sister restaurant now at the Ventura Harbor.Very skeptically , we ate there this weekend. It was the same great food, the same khaki shorts on the waitstaff, the same bread, the same (or same lack of) decor, and the same seagulls. The view from the tables are of the boats in the Ventura harbor, (they look the same to me as Santa Barbara boats.)
The only difference I noticed at the Ventura location is that we parked right in front of the entrance and we were seated immediately.We had our perfect Brophys experience complete with Garlic baked clams, oyster shooters and everything else with our kids happy and were on our way within an hour.
The original will always have a special place in my heart and when I have all day , that's where I will go....but for a great seafood meal with my family when traveling to points south, Ventura harbor Brophy's is where we will eat. I'm not that cool anymore , anyway.

Why cook? Let somebody else do all the work while you LUXURIATE.

The oldest "wisdom"in the book is that is always less expensive to eat at home.I say NOT TRUE!If you add up what it really costs you in $ and energy,it is almost always better to eat out!Really think about it ....there's the groceries, the gas to go get them, the dish soap to wash the dishes after...the electricity and heat to use in your own dining room!That doesn't even scratch the surface. Your time and hard labor is worth a least minimum wage, right?Add up the time you spend shopping, trolling the Internet for recipes,cleaning up, throwing the leftovers away 5 days later and you have a pretty darn pricey meal, not to mention that afterwards, you will be tired!

Let's face it, having other people bring us whatever we want while we sit and eat fresh bread is pretty awesome.No chance for a family member to grumble about not liking what you made,because YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT!Each family member is responsible for ordering what they want, so whatever the problem is IT'S THERE FAULT NOT YOURS!Most of us do not have a maid, cook or governess like they did in the olden days ...so the least we can do is treat ourselves to an hour of somebody serving us joyfully, motivated financially to get it done perfectly!If your life includes feeding,driving around, cleaning up after and being the waitress to others in your household then you especially need to eat out and enjoy the slightly magical institution of the American Eatery.
Where do I begin you say?Have no fear Help is here!You see I will now offer my services to you, poor peasant who knows not what to order or where to go. I am neither seasoned Chef, published travel writer, or renowned food critic.I am however, an expert eater. I promise if you go to the places I recommend you will blessed beyond your wildest dreams..
The only rules I ask you to agree to as we begin this journey together are as follows

1. Eat the food where you buy it.If there is no obvious dining room, participate in the general public consensus as to the appropriate place and method of eating.Examples include,but are not limited to: sitting on the curb, leaning against a wall, standing around a tiny high table elbowing strangers or as fast as you can to avoid the homeless guy begging you for leftovers.
Taking the "Take out"home defeats the pleasure of the Art
of Dining because you still HAVE TO CLEAN UP and in that case you might as well make it your self.

2. Don't waste time and money eating things you can do better yourself.Case in point SUBWAY.How many times have you waited in that line thinking"By the time they are done making my sand which, I could have gone to the store and made my own darn sandwich..?"In fact , if we count the time it takes to get ones own drink,(another line there too, sometimes,) one could have baked homemade bread, cured thier own ham and grown thier own veggies to put on top. I will stand in line for great food anytime ,but not blah food.Next time, look for the exotic in the everyday and take a chance. For example, I asked the nice Hindu woman working the counter at the market next door about her Curry recipe and next thing you know she made me a dinner for 6.(OK so that was take out,technically, but allowed because it was not a "take out"establishment.)

3. Do your research...properly. If you have friends who regularly frequent establishments like Applebees, Chilli's, or the Cheesecake Factory DO NOT ASK THEM WHERE TO EAT!This is the fatal mistake of many! Ask me! I will tell you,that is the point of this blog.If I am unavailable , a good second choice is Anthony Bourdain. As for the celebrity chefs telling you "the Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the Travel channel , don't ask them where to eat, ask their publicists...I have on good authority that's whose picking the food.



Tune in tomorrow for our first adventure in eating ....BROPHY BROTHERS , Can the copy be better than the original?